Guardian of Sheridan and Morse Avenues

Guardian of Sheridan and Morse Avenues

Friendly Reminder From The Concerned Citizens Of The 49th Ward To The Alder-Joker!

Ya talk the talk, but don’t forget ta shovel dat walk!

Friendly Reminder From The Concerned Citizens Of The 49th Ward To The Alder-Joker!

Ya talk the talk, but don’t forget ta shovel dat walk!

GO EAT PASTE!

Many of you received the Ald. Joe Moore e-mail POOF this morning. Maybe your glasses were fogged, because mine read like this:

The Alder-Joker Report

Me and those other 49 jokers and da Mare had a meeting on December 4th AND December 17th. And I’m just getting around to telling you about it NOW! HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!

Actually, I don’t have to report nothin’ to you rubes. But, like you didn’t already know (unless you’re stupid, which most of you are), da Mare made a mint for Chicago by privatizing the parking meters! Genius! That guarantees we “50″ get our 6.2% NEXT January 1st, if he doesn’t spend it all before then.

Actually, I don’t like da Mare. He criticizes me…a lot. And calls me names…names I don’t like.

So when I had to drive through that snowstorm last Saturday for the Grand Opening of the Clark Street Fire Station, I showed him, and showed him GOOD! I acted like I wasn’t even there! After all, I’m taller than he is, so that makes me better than he is! Huh, what a sap he was, talkin’ on and on. He’s even crazier than me! But then, I’m the Alder-Joker! I have proved I can do what I want to the 49th Ward!

So, the upfront payout for parking meters came to $1.2 Billion. Good.

$100 mil went to establish the “human infrastructure fund”. DON’T ask me.

$400 mil went to establish a long term reserve/replacement fund. Again, DON’T ask me.

Another $325 million goes to balance the city budget through 2012. Riiiiight. We should all live so long!

And finally, about $324 million went into the budget stabilization fund. Just DON’T, OK? Ain’t none of your business!

And you’re sitting there saying, “But that adds up to only $1,149,000,000. What happened to the rest, the $51,000,000?” Whatsamattah? A guy’s gotta eat, right?

Anyways, count on it, all, and I mean ALL, parking’s goin’ to be jacked as, as high as it can go. If you don’t like it, go eat PASTE!

The other meeting was about the 2016 Olympics. We gotta put them folks somewhere, cuz da Mare says we’re gonna get it. Me, I give a Batman’s mask! Olympics are dumb, and there’s no way for me to make money offa them! I’d rather re-zone! That’s some GOOD bucks!

So, I gotta go down again tomorrow. Who knows what da Mare wants to talk about. Ain’t been NOTHIN’ MUCH happening lately. I just stay at my place and count a lot of money. Boring, yeah, but better than nothin’!

Always spendin’ yours,

The Alder-Joker

GO EAT PASTE!

Many of you received the Ald. Joe Moore e-mail POOF this morning. Maybe your glasses were fogged, because mine read like this:

The Alder-Joker Report

Me and those other 49 jokers and da Mare had a meeting on December 4th AND December 17th. And I’m just getting around to telling you about it NOW! HaHaHaHaHaHaHa!

Actually, I don’t have to report nothin’ to you rubes. But, like you didn’t already know (unless you’re stupid, which most of you are), da Mare made a mint for Chicago by privatizing the parking meters! Genius! That guarantees we “50″ get our 6.2% NEXT January 1st, if he doesn’t spend it all before then.

Actually, I don’t like da Mare. He criticizes me…a lot. And calls me names…names I don’t like.

So when I had to drive through that snowstorm last Saturday for the Grand Opening of the Clark Street Fire Station, I showed him, and showed him GOOD! I acted like I wasn’t even there! After all, I’m taller than he is, so that makes me better than he is! Huh, what a sap he was, talkin’ on and on. He’s even crazier than me! But then, I’m the Alder-Joker! I have proved I can do what I want to the 49th Ward!

So, the upfront payout for parking meters came to $1.2 Billion. Good.

$100 mil went to establish the “human infrastructure fund”. DON’T ask me.

$400 mil went to establish a long term reserve/replacement fund. Again, DON’T ask me.

Another $325 million goes to balance the city budget through 2012. Riiiiight. We should all live so long!

And finally, about $324 million went into the budget stabilization fund. Just DON’T, OK? Ain’t none of your business!

And you’re sitting there saying, “But that adds up to only $1,149,000,000. What happened to the rest, the $51,000,000?” Whatsamattah? A guy’s gotta eat, right?

Anyways, count on it, all, and I mean ALL, parking’s goin’ to be jacked as, as high as it can go. If you don’t like it, go eat PASTE!

The other meeting was about the 2016 Olympics. We gotta put them folks somewhere, cuz da Mare says we’re gonna get it. Me, I give a Batman’s mask! Olympics are dumb, and there’s no way for me to make money offa them! I’d rather re-zone! That’s some GOOD bucks!

So, I gotta go down again tomorrow. Who knows what da Mare wants to talk about. Ain’t been NOTHIN’ MUCH happening lately. I just stay at my place and count a lot of money. Boring, yeah, but better than nothin’!

Always spendin’ yours,

The Alder-Joker